To The Hospital I Go

So ... I'm in the hospital. Several days had passed with pretty horrible nausea and I was having a hard time eating and especially drinking. Wednesday morning I was home watching movies and my mom was making some phone calls for me to see what else we could possibly do. She called me and said my OB was requesting to see me immediately, so I changed and she picked me up to take me to the office. My OB came in the room and after a short conversation he decided that my anxiety and emotional state were harming my physical state. (Before I got pregnant I took an anti-anxiety daily.) So he put me back on my anti-anxiety medicine and sent me to the hospital to give me a break. I was SO nervous! I had been wanting to be in the hospital so I didn't have to worry about eating and drinking all day ... but I've never stayed in a hospital before. Therefore the first night was rather difficult. I barely slept and couldn't eat a thing. Thankfully yesterday was a little better. My mom came and spent the day with me. Although I was still pretty nauseated I was actually able to eat which was a HUGE thing for me. I can't even begin to describe how good food tastes when you haven't had anything but crackers and peanut butter for 6 weeks. Two people from the healing ministry at church came and prayed over me and brought me some flowers which was wonderful. I love going to a church that is so loving and serving ... it was just what I needed! Then that evening my dad, husband and a couple of his co-workers came by and brought me an Edible Arrangement! Noah had to take it home with him to put it in the fridge but I cannot wait to have some fresh fruit!

The other highlight of the day was my sonogram. They techs doing the sono weren't allowed to tell me anything while they performed it, but they allowed me to see the screen ... which means I saw my baby :) At one point I was able to see the whole baby; precious little head, legs, arms, fingers and toes. I must say this little booger was a wiggly one ... she (yes, I want a girl) kept moving around and being all squirmy. It was amazing to me that something inside me could be moving so much but is still so small that I don't feel the movements yet! It will be amazing when I can feel the lil peanut.

Last night I slept much better. The nurse gave me some benedryl which helped me fall asleep. I still woke up every 2 hours or so to go to the restroom. I forgot how much I pee when I am actually hydrated! They also had to re-do my IV about 10pm cause the first one was in the crease of my elbow and because I move so much it began to leak. So they put the new one in my hand ... which did NOT feel good let me tell ya. Then this morning my OB came to visit. He said all of my tests and everything are looking great! I told him how much better I feel and how excited I am to eat again (I'm telling you ... it's a big deal to eat when you haven't been able to in 6 weeks!). He decided to keep me in another 24 hours just so I can get some more nutrition.

That's about it around here. The nurse is bringing me some Phenegren which will most likely knock me out for a couple hours, so away I go.

Food ... How I Miss Thee!

Upon waking up this morning I was asked by both my parents, "How are you feeling?" ... a question I get asked every morning with the anticipation and hope that our prayers have finally been answered. All I can reply is "another day with hyperemesis."

I spent most of the day yesterday at the hospital. My third trip in a month. 3 liters of fluid and some zofran and phenegren later I was released. We had been praying that they would just keep me this time, at least for 24 hours. But the doctors feared I would catch the flu as it is out of control this time of year, so once again I was sent hope. Thankfully the phenegren through an IV knocks me out and I was able to sleep from 4:30 yesterday afternoon to 7:30 this morning. The doctor gave me orders to be on a strict bland diet with as much fluids as possible, therefore I woke up this morning to soups, rice and jello compliments of a grocery trip my dad took. Although I am grateful for some new flavors to add to my diet I can't help but miss food!

I LOVE to cook. I was telling my mom yesterday that one of my favorite things to do is open up all the windows on a spring day and spend hours preparing an elaborate meal for my husband and I. I'm also a fan of going out to eat ... basically I LOVE FOOD! Therefore one of the hardest things about having hyperemesis is not being able to eat. I haven't had a normal diet in at least 6 weeks. I haven't felt up to cooking in about 8. It's gotten so bad that I literally dream about food at night. Images of gorgeous meals and giant buffets fill my thought and dreams. Commercials of some of my favorite restaurants leave me salivating. I'm telling you ... I MISS FOOD!!!

I have already warned my husband that when I am better he better be prepared to eat and eat a lot! I want Chili's chicken tenders (something I haven't craved in years), Olive Garden salad and breadsticks, and Babe's chicken! I absolutely cannot wait to cook pot roast or southwest eggrolls with homemade salsa!!! Oh Lord how I pray I can eat these things soon!!!

But for today it's another day of soup, rice and jello. I've heard that the 11th week is when your hormones peak the most and starting next week I should start slowly feeling better and that most women with hyperemesis begin to feel back to 'normal' between weeks 14 and 20. I'm praying for the 14 ... or even a miracle! I want to be the girl that wakes up at 12 weeks and am miraculously healed! I know God can do it ... I just have to wait. So I spend my Sunday watching movies on the couch trying to stay as positive as a girl in my condition can. I'm ready to be better ... I WILL get better.

Hyperemesis So Far ...

Since this is my first post I must first introduce myself and write out my story until now. ..

My name is Stephanie, I am 22 years old, and tomorrow I will officially be 11 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I am married with two dogs in a quaint little house in Texas. And I am suffering from Hyperemesis. For those who don't know what Hyperemesis is, in the most basic terms it is the incredible extreme of morning sickness. Although it has been around since women have been getting pregnant, little is known about the 'illness'. From the research I have desperately gathered, it is hereditary (my grandma had it, although she did not know until recently as it did not have a name at the time), and most believe it is caused by your body creating an excess amount of hormones. Bottom line ... it's MISERABLE!!!

I didn't know this was how my pregnancy would turn out. My husband and I have wanted kids since the day we got married two years ago, although we waited two years in order to become 'prepared'. This past August we purchased our first home and both had steady, secure jobs. In October we found out that my sister was pregnant, which sparked the topic in our own marriage. My sister and I had always said we wanted our kids to be close in age, a desire stemming from a strong relationship with our own cousins. With this in mind my husband and I came to the conclusion that we would start trying with the knowledge that we could get pregnant quickly or it could take several months. Our first month of trying was in November and after 2 negative pregnancy tests I decided to take 1 final test the morning of December 3rd. I was not aware at the time but I received my positive test at only 4 weeks! Seeing the positive test was one of the most exciting and overwhelming feelings. I immediately called my husband and told him the news. That night we went out to eat with several family members and announced our big news. The excitement was overwhelming! Everyone began to cry and my sister and I immediately began planning for our babies who will only be 2 months apart!

Everything went AMAZING that first week after receiving my positive test. I had few symptoms, just a little bit of sleepiness and a big healthy appetite. Mexican and Thai food became my new best friends and I ate them constantly. During my fifth week I began to get a little nauseated. It hit me one night while out to pizza with my family so I ordered a sprite (my sister had only about a week of morning sickness and she swore by sprite). I was confident the sprite would do the trick, but the nausea did not cease. My first OB appointment was the next week so I decided to stick it out and talk to the dr. about the nausea when I went in. Throughout the next week my nausea slowly became worse, especially at nights. During that week I had to rearrange my work schedule knowing the hours the nausea would peak. I had my first OB appt at 6 1/2 weeks on a Monday and the dr. reassured me that nausea was normal and told me to take vitamin B6 and unisom. That Friday I woke up for work feeling MISERABLE. Since several girls I worked with had recently had the flu I believed I had caught it, so after 2 hours of attempting to get ready I was forced to call in. The day progressively got worse ... I was in bed for the entire day ... and by the end of it I had my boss and told them I would not be able to finish out my final week or working (I was about to transition to a position at our church). Little did I know that this was just the start of my battle with Hyperemesis.

Everyday from that day I went further and further downhill. I don't remember a ton from that time other then being in bed all day, every day. My mom and I desperately called my dr. looking for relief. Within a week I had been into the OB office several times, was on a variety of medications including oral Zofran, Phenegran and Reglan and even tried acupuncture. Nothing worked. At its worst I was barely eating or drinking and was vomiting over 20 times a day. The only relief I would get was when I was asleep ... but even my sleep was interrupted every hour or so by the urge to vomit. This was my rock bottom. Like so many Hyperemesis sufferers I spent everyday in pain, crying. I asked my husband and mom several times to end the pregnancy ... I was desperate for any relief. When they refused (my family and generally I do not agree with abortion), I began to pray for relief even if it meant a miscarriage. On December 27th my mom came over and after crying for over an hour in her arms she loaded me up in the car and took me in for my first hospital visit. The first hospital we went to had a 3 hour wait ... something I was too exhausted to endure ... so we went to another hospital. At the second hospital they quickly hooked me up to an IV and pumped 2 liters of fluids (I was pretty dehydrated) into me as well as a nice big dose of Zofran. Although the nausea was not gone I was not vomiting for the first time in over a week. That night I went to my parents home and got some much needed rest. Finally.

The next few days went ok. I stayed at my parents house because my husband was sick and kept to a strict schedule of Zofran pills and eating every 1-2 hours. I was still on the couch or in bed, but the pain was manageable. On New Years Day I even was able to go out to eat to celebrate my sisters birthday! I believed I was finally 'cured'. That was until the next day I awoke with a horrible sinus infection (a nice gift from my hubby). By this time I had moved back home and the next few days I battled the infection and to my horror the vomiting starting making an appearance again due to the mucus upsetting my stomach. Two days later I was barely able to care for myself so I once again called my mom begging her to help me. She came and picked me up ... a stay that I thought would be a day or two but has yet to end.

After another week or so of pain, nausea and vomiting, I decided to get a Zofran pump, something I had been avoiding for several weeks. The next day my mom called Alere (the home health company) and that night there was a nurse sitting on the couch with me showing me how to 'site' myself and prepare the pump (basically how to stick a needle in my stomach to get the medicine in.) The pump started at .43mL per hour, a rather small dose, and the next week consisted of a nurse calling me every morning and adding a little more medicine. I also returned to the hospital for 3 more liters of fluids and another dose of phenegran. Everything seemed to be going ok. Granted I was still couch-bound and the nausea persisted, but it seemed to be letting up. I even thought to myself that the Hyperemesis was breaking and I would soon get off the pump. That was until two days ago. My pump began alarming every few minutes telling me there was an 'occlusion', or the tubing was kinked. After re-siting myself several times and doing everything imaginable to the pump I called Alere frustrated, refusing to stab myself in the stomach with one more needle. They admitted the pump had an internal problem and told me that they would not be able to get me a new one until the next day, so to supplement with the oral tablets until then. At this point I was relieved! No more needles, tubing, or carrying around a huge pump! I woke up the next (yesterday) morning feeling decent (and excited) and decided to take a shower since I had not been able to for about a week. BIG mistake.

I don't know if it was standing up, the heat from the shower, or just my body shutting down ... but the shower was HORRIBLE!!! The entire process took about 30 minutes, a time when I was only able to wash my hair. A majority of the time was spent sitting down and vomiting everything I ate that morning. I immediately went to bed after the shower. My mom called Alere in a panic and they promised to have a pump to me within the hour. At 1 I received the pump and instantly sited myself, desperate for the Zofran to be back in my system. Little did I know that it can take 24 hours for your body to accept the medicine once again ... and here I am 29 hours after siting myself and I am still miserably nauseated.

So why am I writing this? Because I need to. I cannot even begin to explain how hard it is to live with Hyperemesis. In fact there are many days I don't want to live with it and I pray that God will give me a peace that myself and this baby will make it through ok. I'm not saying I don't have good days ... it's just hard staying positive when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I need to get it out ... I need to express myself other then breaking down in front of my mom or husband.

My days are spent on the couch. I still am not well enough to act normal, although I'm being told I'll soon be able to. The television has become my new best friend and I have a deep connection with a handful of shows. I'm still living at my parents house. I feel guilty about this as I know my husband hates sleeping alone at night, but the reality is I can't take care of myself. My husband has to work ... something I am no longer able to do. Therefore I rely on my mom for cooking, cleaning and even emotional support. Just getting up to clear my plate is exhausting and makes me nauseated enough to throw up. And on top of everything else I can't eat. My diet consists of strictly bland food like peanut butter, cooked noodles with salt, and baked potatoes. Today especially has been a difficult day. My nausea is horrible and I have been fighting all day to keep my food and fluids down. On top of it my in-laws are in town and it's hard to sit at home alone while my entire family goes out to eat. I'm ready for this to be over ... God please take the pain away.