Good Days Followed By Depression

I had two really good days.  Two days ago I started taking B6 & Unisom ... something that didn't even touch my nausea with my first pregnancy.  After a glorious hour and a half nap (which has been rare lately), I woke up feeling decent.  The nausea was still there, but it was manageable.  My husband asked if I wanted to go to the park with my daughter and himself and I reluctantly agreed.  I couldn't do much ... I sat on the bench and watched them slide and run, but at least I got to be there.  Then yesterday after a rough morning I had a good night.  Again I was able to get out of the house and actually went out to eat with my family ... something unheard of for someone with Hyperemesis!  It was so nice to feel somewhat "normal".

Then today happened.  The nausea has been constant, even throwing up several times which has been luckily rare this pregnancy.  I've also been beyond exhausted.  I feel like I can barely keep my eyes open ... but I'm also restless so if I managed to fall asleep it was for no longer then 20 minutes.  I also spiked in my depression today.  I've been trying so hard to stay positive, to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but some days it's just so hard.  Some days I'm just so mad.   So mad that I can't run and play, or even hold my baby girl like a normal mommy can.  So mad that all I really want to do is sleep.  I'd be perfectly content with being put to sleep for a few straight months.  So mad that I can't cook, or even eat like a normal person.  So mad that I have to watch the clock to make sure 20 minutes passes between eating and drinking.  So mad that when I finally can drink it's nothing more then a sip at a time.  So mad that God would let me get sick ... that's a tough one.  I know God is there.  I know He has a plan and that He will be glorified when a beautiful little baby is born through all this.  But in these moments I'm just mad.  So mad I don't even know how to communicate with Him.  Thank goodness others are willing to rally around me and pray on my behalf.  To be hope on my behalf.

Anyway ... that's all I can muster for today.  As for now the constant exhaustion is taking over and I'm going to enjoy some much needed sleep.